Resonance – Episode 16
Verbatim Transcript
Speaker: Viktoria Levenberg
Our nervous system needs stability, consistency for safety. The group that had instability lost it.
They absolutely lost the plot.
And there are times when like life really slaps us in the face, and we gotta go back to basics. But
we need to know what those basics are.
When things that you value, that make you feel good, you enjoy, make you happy, start to fall
off—it’s a really great warning sign. You make the rules. This is your life. Hello, hello, alright.
Today we are gonna be talking about how to create stability through your non-negotiables. I
really look forward to diving into this. This is so on point. This episode is kind of connected to
episode, uh, that I shared a couple of weeks ago—episode 15. I’ll make sure I will link it up in the
show notes below.
As we need stability to feel safety in our nervous system, and um, sometimes life throws some
unexpected circumstances our way that we really need stability in order to come back to centre,
to come back to ourselves. And uh, you know, so many times we get tested by life.
So let’s just bring it straight back to basics in those moments. That is what helps you feel good
and thrive. So if you wanna know how to do that, you wanna know what my non-negotiables are,
and you wanna have a way to create your own as well so that you are rock solid no matter what
blows come your way—let’s dive in.
Welcome to Resonance, a podcast for ambitious, heart-led humans craving more balance, depth,
and aliveness in their lives. I’m your host, Vik—health coach, yoga teacher, facilitator, and fellow
high achiever learning to live in tune with my nervous system, not against it.
This space is here to remind you that you can have it all—the career, the success, the
fulfilment—all aligned with your truth. Through honest conversations, expert insights, and
practical tools, we’ll explore how to work with your body, mind, emotions, and spirit, not against
them.
And the best part? You don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode to get there. Because true well-
being is not about being perfect. It’s about being in resonance. Let’s dive in.
Okay, so just a little preface to stability. Um, there’s a study that’s been done on monkeys when
it relates to safety, stability in their nervous system. And I think it’s so fascinating. I actually
learned this from my financial coach and mentor, Kate Northrup, who shares this as part of her
Relaxed Money program.
And effectively, um, there were three groups of monkeys, all in their own kind of little family
community units. One group was given all the abundance, all the food you can imagine. They
were more than well catered and provided for. They had nothing to worry about.
Then there was the other group, which didn’t have a lot. They didn’t really have much—just
enough to get by. Um, some days maybe even not so, like, but it was always the same amount. I,
uh, don’t have the details of the study in front of me, but there was always scarcity. I think the
headline is: it was always scarcity.
So one group had abundance always, and one group had scarcity always. And then there was a
third group, uh, where some days they had all the food you can imagine, all the abundance, and
then other days—nothing. Scarcity, nada. And they couldn’t predict in any way, shape, or form
what that would be. It was completely random.
And so between these three groups, what the study was looking at was the response of the
mother monkeys to the environment, to the situation. And of course, as you would expect, the
group that had all the abundance—they were thriving. Like, they were fine. They were well taken
care of and they were good.
Interestingly, uh, contrary to what you might assume, the group that had scarcity, that didn’t
have a lot, they were also fine. Like, they were doing pretty well. It was the third group, the
group that had instability, the group that didn’t know whether they would have food on the day
or not. There was no way to predict it. That lost it. They absolutely lost the plot.
They had to stop the study early because the monkeys went totally haywire. And why am I
sharing this study? It’s that we’re not too different from monkeys. Like, we are also primal
beings. We are nature. We are animals. And just as animals have a nervous system, so do we.
And our nervous system needs stability, consistency for safety.
So today I’m sharing with you how to create that stability for your nervous system so that you
feel safe no matter what’s going on around you—through your daily non-negotiables.
Now, a little preface to the non-negotiables. So, I mean, as you can imagine by the name, right,
they’re non-negotiables. But again, I actually got introduced to this concept by Kate Northrup
through her program, which is Heal the Way You Work. Um, and I’ll make sure to link up a link of
that in the show notes below as well.
It’s been like such a game-changing plan for me. I’m already someone who is super nerdy and
organised and loves all these things, but just—there was a lot that I learned in there. And some
of that you are hearing here today.
And um, so through this work from Kate Northrup, I learned to track my daily non-negotiables,
and I was like, oh, this is actually pretty cool. And the idea behind it is that they should be simple.
They should be something that put you first, that make you feel better—whether it’s your body,
mind, spirit—and it’s also something that should be easy enough for you to implement on the
most stressful of days.
So think travel days. Think moving house. Think something happening out of the blue, outside of
your control. Like, they should be simple enough for you to be able to do no matter what. Um,
because the reality is like—we all have these ebbs and flows in life where sometimes we have
more capacity in our nervous system. That’s when we’re like really creative and, you know, bring
incredible things to life, create something out of nothing.
And then there are times when like life really slaps us in the face, and we gotta go back to basics.
But we need to know what those basics are.
And so, um, I started with five non-negotiables that I used as part of Kate’s Do Less planner. It’s
out of print, but it was basically just—each week, as I did my daily planning, or weekly planning,
sorry—I would pick out a list of five non-negotiables for that week. And then each night before I
go to bed, I’d tick them off. And oh my gosh, for a type-A perfectionist girly, I love ticking them
boxes.
It’s fun and it makes me feel really good about myself. So I loved it, and I still do it to this day.
Um, so uh, what were and what are my non-negotiables? I will give you some ideas, and then
you’ll be able to take that and implement it for yourself.
Um, today’s gonna be pretty short and sweet but impactful, if you actually take this away and do
something with it and then follow through.
So currently my non-negotiables are actually in a bit of a liminal transition space, because I, uh,
currently have been in one of these moments where life kind of had to slap me in the face a little
bit. So things are shifting and changing. But I’m just gonna talk to maybe how I started, and then
what it evolved to, and what it is now.
So how I started was my first non-negotiable—uh, and you know what, I’m even gonna like pull
them out here for fun, because I’m pretty sure that I even like wrote them down and put them in
my calendar. Cause um, if you haven’t listened to the episode where I talk about planning and
putting things on your calendar…
Oh my gosh, you need to do it. It’s gonna change your life. And that’s how I started. So I created
a little half-hour—um, just kidding—it’s like a three-hour time block in my mornings, which is my
morning ritual, and included the following non-negotiables.
So the first was meditate daily, even if it’s for just one minute. So back then I didn’t meditate as
regularly as I do now, so it was just one minute of stillness was my one non-negotiable.
The other one—and see, these don’t have to be daily, by the way. You make the rules. This is
your life. So the second one was move my body with joy at least three to five times a week. I love
that.
The third one—how simple is this—take my vitamins daily. And by the way, it was a great
reminder, because sometimes I’d be in bed and I’d be like ticking the boxes and be like, oh no, I
forgot to have my magnesium. And I like get up and go to the kitchen and have my magnesium.
Um, oh my gosh, this was a non-negotiable on my list. Now it’s just like part of life. It was have
my cacao daily and mindfully. How good is that? Um.
And then I had a little reminder in my calendar towards the evening, that’s like my evening ritual,
and that non-negotiable was just to get at least seven to eight hours of sleep. Which—uh, eight
hours is usually like my minimum to thrive. Seven is my minimum to be okay. Anything less than
seven—you know that I am struggling. Because yes, sleep is like one of my number one non-
negotiables. But if left to my own devices I can sleep for like nine to ten hours. I love sleep.
Anyway, so that’s how I started, and then it’s evolved over time. Um, so where I’m at right now
is—um—my first non-negotiable is my Ziva meditation that I do every day, twice a day. Um, so
that is quite exciting that that’s evolved so much. And I kid you not, I have done it every single
day since the very first time that I practised the Ziva meditation technique with Emily Fletcher in
her course in November of 2024.
So I’ll link it up below just in case you’re interested. Um, some of my friends have already done
it. I’ve read her book, which I highly recommend as well. I’ll link that in the show notes too. Um,
it’s just—it’s changed my life. I kid you not. So that is like, every day, my non-negotiable.
Movement as well is on my list. I actually now have it as move my body daily with joy, but that’s
because I tend to walk Piper most days anyway. So, um, you know, if anything I at least get out
for a walk. Which, although sometimes when, you know, sparkles really hit the fan, we don’t—
and that’s okay. You make the rules.
Um, my third current non-negotiable is still to sleep seven to eight hours. So that, like, is always
on there. Um.
I’ve also had for a period of time a veggie-packed meal at least once a day. I thought that was
really cool, because that like helped remind me to have a plant-forward meal. Now, what I mean
by plant-forward—I don’t mean that I’m just eating salads. I just mean that like, I do my best to
make my plants the star of the show, so to speak. Um, so like a veggie curry, or a vegetable and
tofu soup, or—I mean, I have so many recipes up my sleeve. Um, if you’re interested, let me
know. Lots and lots to share there.
Um, and another one is my daily lunchtime yoga nidra practice, which translates to conscious
and aware sleep. If you haven’t listened to the episode where I go into yoga, I’ll link that up as
well.
Um, now I will admit this one has actually fallen off a little bit in the last couple of weeks. I’ve just
had, um, a few things throw me off-centre and out of routine. Um, but I definitely have the
intention of bringing that back into the non-negotiable. So here we go—like, you see, like even
though there’s things on the list, um, and then if we don’t do them it’s okay. Like, you make the
rules.
It’s just, I find actually having this list of non-negotiables and then seeing how I go against those
non-negotiables a really great reflection of my mental and emotional state. Because if I’m easily
ticking all the things, doing all the stuff, I know that I’m like, I’ve got heaps of capacity. I’m doing
great. I’m thriving. And then when things start to fall off, that already starts to become my little
warning sign of like—ooh, we’ve gotta look at something here.
But most importantly, and I would say probably like the two that never fall off: sleep and the
meditation. Like, these are just actual non-negotiables. They’re what help create stability in my
day. Because I know that no matter what goes on, A—I give my body that rest that it needs at
night, and B—I give my body the rest that it needs throughout the day. No negotiating here,
haha.
Um, now there’s a few others, um, that I kind of had here and there. Um, because over time you
see, like, the longer you do something, the more of a habit it becomes, right? Like, I’ve spoken
about this on the podcast before as well. And um, I actually found this non-negotiables list a
really great way to build habits.
You know, so once you’ve ingrained the habit of ticking things off the list—which, let’s be
honest, if you’re listening to the podcast, you probably like ticking things off a list—um, and then
it’s a great prompter to start to bring new behaviours into your life. So I, uh, brought in some
tantric spiritual practices into my daily routine, like ancestral karma prostrations or OCHA. Most
of you, this will mean nothing to you, it’s okay. I might elaborate on them a little bit more one
day. Maybe, we’ll see.
Um, and also things like eating mindfully. So like, have one mindful meal a day. Or all these
random little bits and pieces. So you can play with it. You know, you can, you can play with your
list.
Um, but I would suggest—strongly, strongly recommend—finding like one to three that are
definitely your absolute non-negotiables. You can do them no matter what. And that’s gonna
really help you find that groundedness and stability, despite anything else going on outside of
you that is outside of your control.
So as I promised, this is really short and sweet this week. Um, my question to you, uh, would be:
what are your one to three non-negotiables? Like, have a think, have a little journal, have a little
scribble. No more than five. I know I listed more than five, but that is because they have evolved
over time. So I never have more than five non-negotiables on my list. Just wanted to be really
clear about that. I just wanted to sprinkle a few more in there so that you could (a) see the
evolution of the journey, but also (b) experience, um, the breadth that it can be.
And this is like in no way limiting. Like, it could be something like drink two litres of water a day,
or make sure I have breakfast, or whatever. Like, keep it—the simpler, the better. Because the
better you will feel about yourself when you do them. Um, yeah, just keep it simple. You should
be able to do this even when you’re travelling, even when you’re moving, even on days where
everything goes awry. Should be doable.
And then, for a little bonus, create a way to track it daily. So whether it’s on your phone, or your
reminders, or your to-do list, or whatever floats your boat. If you want something to help you,
I’ve actually created a download just below this podcast for you to track your own non-
negotiables. Cause I was like, you know what, let’s make people’s life easier. Here’s something to
help you.
And lastly, just to wrap up—just know that if you don’t follow through with your non-
negotiables, just know that it’s okay. And also like, just treat it as a signal. Because at the end of
the day, like, these non-negotiables, they should be something that is important to you, that you
value, that makes you feel good, you enjoy, makes you happy. And when things that you value,
that make you feel good, you enjoy, make you happy start to fall off—it’s a really great little
reminder, little great warning sign.
So no judgment, just awareness. Always.
Thank you so much for listening this week. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week and
look forward to seeing you next time. Bye for now.
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The views and opinions expressed by guests on Resonance are their own and do not necessarily
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brand. This space welcomes a diversity of ideas experiences and stories. And part of Resonance
is learning to take what aligns and gently leaving the rest.
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Resonance does not substitute personalised medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice.
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